Spirituality with Skin: What is Spirituality, In Reality

"Spirituality with Skin" is our ongoing exploration and conversation in making “spirituality” tangible...how meaning, mystery, and real life actually connect in our real lives. If you’re just jumping in (or want to revisit earlier posts), here’s the running archive: read the start of the series here.

I’ve been fascinated by spiritual practices since I was a kid wandering the library stacks...rosaries and prayer rugs, silence and song, fasting and feasting, pilgrimages and porch conversations. And right now, a lot of folks are curious about that inner life without necessarily signing up for a religion. Depending on the survey you read, roughly three in ten adults in the U.S. now identify as having no religious affiliation...the “nones.” Researcher Ryan Burge and theologian Tony Jones have both shown that “the nones” aren’t one big blob but a mix of stories: some allergic to institutions, some in transition, some deeply thoughtful and very much engaged with meaning and mystery.  So in other words, that little phrase you’ve probably heard...“spiritual but not religious”. We’ll talk about religion next time, but for now it’s enough to admit that many people are trying to live an honest, grounded spiritual life, just not always inside traditional structures.

So here’s MY working definition, in plain language: spirituality is the honest, ongoing way we make meaning, relate to what we consider sacred, and let that relationship reshape how we live...with ourselves, our neighbors, and the world.

There are several areas of study...both academic and practical...that have shaped this working definition for me, and they tend to describe the same reality with different accents. Psychology talks about spirituality as “the search for the sacred,” not just a belief in your head but an active orientation toward whatever you hold as ultimate...God, truth, justice, beauty, the web of life...and how that orientation shifts your coping, priorities, and sense of well-being. Philosophy reminds us we’re meaning-makers; we don’t just have experiences, we arrange them into a story with a 'telos', an aim. In that light, spirituality is choosing a story big enough to hold joy and suffering and still steer us toward the good, the true, and the beautiful. (Also: drink water. It helps every tradition...100% of psychologists concur...ha!)

From my Christian lane, spirituality is life with God that roots itself in the ordinary and ripens into neighbor-love...mercy, justice, humility. Grace, (God’s love made tangible), meets us where we are and keeps nudging us toward wholeness, shaping both heart and habits. The classic practices...prayer; scripture and story; bread and cup; service; song and silence...are means of grace, not merit badges, with the REAL test is always the 'fruit' (results): Are we widening the table, seeking the good of others, walking with a humble, open heart...to name a few. I personally love that one of Jesus’ favorite move wasn’t handing out answer keys; it was encouraging curiosity by asking disarming questions and telling small, stubborn stories that invite others into a way of life, not a set of rules or a building. And because truth isn’t the property of one tribe (yes, not even Christianity), we expect to recognize its light wherever it shows up...and make room at the table accordingly.

If you follow a chaplain through a hospital or shelter, spirituality gets even more concrete. It’s how a person makes meaning and finds hope under pressure...what gives courage before surgery, steadies after a diagnosis, or helps them keep going when life comes apart. Good spiritual care doesn’t bulldoze beliefs; it listens for what strengthens someone and supports those resources...scripture or song, family or nature, ritual or silence. Presence ALWAYS beats pressure and dignity is ALWAYS before dogma.

Then there’s spiritual direction, the slow, unglamorous art of holy listening over time. A director won’t hand you a plan so much as help you notice where life is draining (desolation) and where it’s giving life (consolation). You try small practices, pay attention to what actually helps you love well, and keep adjusting. Less spiritual performance, more spiritual honesty.

When you put all of that together, you get a picture that’s surprisingly down-to-earth. Spirituality isn’t vague vibes or a private hobby; it’s an integrated way of seeing and living...meaning, belonging, and becoming...anchored to what you truly treat as sacred and confirmed by how you show up in the world. And for a lot of our neighbors, “spiritual but not religious” isn’t a cop-out; it’s a real attempt to stay faithful to what rings true while avoiding the harm they’ve experienced in institutions. For others, religion is a vital home base...a community, a set of practices, and a wisdom tradition that keeps their spirituality honest and nourished. The two overlap, but they aren’t identical. Next post we’ll name the differences with more care and ask when religion helps...and when it gets in the way.

So...this is where the rubber meets the road.  Sometime today or over the next few days, jot down a sentence that starts like, “Right now, what’s truly sacred to me is…” Some helpful thoughts...Don’t "church" it up and use fancy, coded words.  Instead, think along the lines of family, justice, God, recovery, creation, creativity, rest. Then add one line about how that showed up in your actual day: the conversation you stayed present for, the boundary you kept, the meal you shared, the screen you put down, the neighbor you checked on, the prayer you whispered, the walk you took. Now...do that two or three days in a row and you’ll start to see your spirituality in the wild...not just what you claim, but what you practice.  (Bonus points if you email me with what you came up with...you don't have to finish it to get full points...ha...I just love to hear about this stuff from folks).

That’s the heart of Spirituality with Skin: naming what matters most, and then letting it touch the way we actually live—in our neighborhoods and places of work and play, with our people, in this beautifully complicated city we share. Next up: What is religion, really? Why some of us need its scaffolding, why some of us needed to step outside it, and how structure can either help a soul breathe...or make it hold its breath.

Until then, may your soul take a deep breath...and your schedule stay just bendy enough to love somebody...and that includes yourself.

Sam